THE children of a divorced man have confirmed they could not imagine a better time to meet their father’s new partner than Christmas Day.
Abby, aged 11, and seven-year-old Jake were celebrating their first Christmas at their Dad’s only for him to make the day extra-special by introducing them to a stranger called Lydia he has been sleeping with for four months.
Abby said: “What an occasion to meet a blonde woman who keeps touching your father in ways you find uncomfortable. I’ll be carrying this trauma well into adulthood.
“It’s nice that a day of magic and wonder has mainly been focused on an adult stranger whose relationship to me that is the literal stuff of fairytale villainy.
“On the upside, she did bring us presents. I guess she’s trying to buy her way into our hearts. I now have an Urban Decay eyeshadow palette she gets on discount from her job in John Lewis.”
Jake added: “Christmas was great. Dad felt so bad when I cried after he told us who the scary lady was that I got to eat chocolate instead of Christmas dinner.”
Father Julian Cook said: “I wanted all the people I love most to be in the same room this Christmas, even if they don’t know each other and they’re unprepared for it.
“Kids love surprises, don’t they?”