Sunday, 26th January 2020

Couple only staying together for the sake of their mates

A COUPLE are only keeping up the pretence of a happy relationship to avoid disappointing their friends, they have revealed.

Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis both agree their relationship is dead but are considered to be ‘such a great couple’ they have stayed together for eight years and will probably get married.

Logan said: “If we told our mates the truth about our sexless relationship, the rows and the hours of tense, empty silence they’d be devastated. We just can’t do it to them.

“We’ve got to think about our responsibilities. There are the barbecues, the trips to the pub, the weekends in cottages. I can’t bear to think of the look on their little faces if we tell them it’s over.

“We’ve just got too much history together, me, Nikki, Pete, Steve, Laura, Jenny, Jenny’s mate Ruth, Colin, Anwar, Beth and that odd guy Roger we don’t know but I think it's who Kate gets her weed from.”

Hollis said: “I’ve seen my mate Beth through nine relationships in the time I’ve been with Tom. She says, ‘I just wish I had what you and Tom have. I don’t know how you do it.’

“I want to give her a shake and say ‘We don’t do it, not since 2011’. But if I told her the truth she’d probably give up on relationships entirely and die a lonely cat woman.”