Couple role-playing as strangers bond over complaining about annoying spouses

A COUPLE attempting to spice up their marriage by role-playing as strangers have connected by discussing how awful their partners are.

Tom and Nikki Hollis tried to reinvigorate their failing relationship by pretending not to know each other and were soon discussing the numerous failings of their respective spouses.

Nikki Hollis said: “It was so satisfying. I was able to moan at length about my husband’s habit of wearing white sports socks to bed. Honestly, I really went for it, like an untamed animal with years of petty matrimonial resentment stored up.

“And then he got stuck into talking about how his wife eats really noisily with her mouth open, like a bulldog sucking yoghurt. He really went to town on her and afterwards said he hadn’t felt so free and liberated in years.

“Sadly, it all went downhill when it came to the actual sex as he had annoyingly similar moves to my husband Tom. Still, that marathon session of slagging him off is going straight in the wank bank.”

Tom Hollis said: “Pretending not to know each other was the best time we’ve had together in years. I’m wondering if I can somehow develop amnesia. That way we might get another five years out the marriage at least.”

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'It's not for girls' and other mental ad slogans that somehow saw the light of day

WERE you an ad executive at some time in the last few decades? If so, you have an a lot to answer for given these insane slogans.

‘It’s not for girls’ – Yorkie

If you run a company which, presumably, would like to make money, alienating half of your potential customers seems like a left-field move. While the adverts were a huge success at the tail end of lad culture, in the age of the incel they just seem a bit sad.

‘The more you play with it the harder it gets’ – Sega Megadrive

People into computers already had a reputation as lonely bedroom masturbators even before Sega waded in with this slogan. While intended to be tongue-in-cheek, all it did was convince another generation of parents that video games were the preserve of perverted degenerates.

‘Full of Eastern promise’ – Fry’s Turkish Delight

The Eastern countries of the world include not only the Middle East but also places like China, Japan, Tibet and Mongolia, all of which have fascinating histories and rich and varied cultures. However, it seems Fry’s were convinced you could evoke all of this with some worryingly pink goop encased in low-quality chocolate. They were wrong.

‘The best a man can get’ – Gillette

What an awfully low bar to set an entire gender. If the best thing that ever happens to you is owning a razor with three blades – four if you’re willing to spend an extra fiver –  then something has gone horribly wrong in your life.

‘A newspaper, not a snooze paper’ – The Mail on Sunday

The Mail on Sunday wanted everyone to know that it was full of exciting, salacious stories and grainy, long lens shots of minor celebrities wearing swimming costumes. Maybe they couldn’t think up a catchy slogan that encapsulated the way in which their brand of journalism would contribute to the collapse of functional democracies.

‘By ‘eck, it’s gorgeous’ – Boddingtons

The advert, which featured a woman in a gondola and parodied the Cornetto adverts of the time, was great. The issue here is anyone thinking it was reasonable to describe a flat, pissy ale with too much head as ‘gorgeous’. Disgraceful.