IN movies love is the great solution that saves lives and worlds, unlike in real life where it’s kind of a pain in the arse. These films lie:
The Fifth Element
A giant fireball, imaginatively representing ultimate evil, heads towards Earth. It’s only saved by the mystical Fifth Element: Milla Jovovich banging Bruce Willis. That’s highly f**king specific. You banging your husband can’t even save a bad weekend.
The Matrix
Everything in the Matrix is code, including Trinity reviving Neo by telling him she loves him, so love is nothing but a sophisticated cheat code, like the Konami code or an infinite lives POKE on a ZX Spectrum. It’s more interesting than the humdrum reality of watching telly with your wife, and you don’t even get to have Neo’s powers, looks and coat.
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
At the very last moment, as if badly-written, Harry’s life is saved because his parents placed a hitherto unmentioned love protection on him and the baddie dies. Your parents are pretty fond of you but it doesn’t even protect you from a stubbed toe.
Avengers: Infinity War
Thanos gets hold of the Soul Stone by killing his beloved daughter Gamora. Granted that’s only solving everything from Thanos’s perspective but he’s happy. In actuality, killing someone you love gets the much same sentence as killing a stranger.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge
Giving Freddy Krueger a big kiss combusts him to ashes if you love your boyfriend, in a strong incentive for teenagers to have full physical relationships. You sometimes wish your boyfriend would burn up and be replaced by your teenage sweetheart when you kiss him.
Interstellar
Even fancy films, though sheer dogged misunderstanding of all quantum science, decide that a father can contact his daughter through time from sheer love. Your dad never rings, and when you do he just picks up the phone and says ‘I’ll get your mum, love’ before walking off shouting ‘Sheila?’
