Couple spice up sex life by having sex

A COUPLE have decided to spice things up in the bedroom by having sex.

Tom Booker and Carolyn Ryan have been in a relationship for four years but admit that they need to bring some variety to the bedroom by not just staring at their phones in silence all the time.

Ryan said: “It felt quite crazy at first. I mean, sex? Really? It’s a bit risqué, isn’t it? But you hear about other people doing it and they have healthy sex lives so we thought we’d give it a go.

“We have talked about it before, usually after we’ve had a few drinks, so I guess the time has come to push through the embarrassment and actually do it. It’s quite exciting, in a way.”

Booker said: “I’ve never been much into experimenting, but we’ve got to try something.

“I just hope my mates don’t find out about it and laugh at me. They’re all in long-term co-habiting relationships and if they find out I’ve been having sex I’ll never live it down.”

Ryan added: “And if it doesn’t work in the bedroom, who knows? Maybe I’ll try sex somewhere else. With other people.”

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Man who is his own boss should have fired himself a year ago

A SELF-EMPLOYED man has confessed that the business he runs should really have let him go in 2018. 

37-year-old Tom Logan, registered with Companies House as Tom Logan Ltd, has seen his company suffer a 75 per cent drop in productivity over the last two years which has been blamed on Brexit.

However his boss, himself, believes the real problem is a daily homeworking routine that incorporates Twitter, masturbation, Playstation, a lengthy lunch, an afternoon nap and knocking off early.

He said, “Forgive my use of the third person but Tom Logan is a slacker and a parasite on this struggling business.

“I’ve looked him in the eye in the bathroom mirror as he stares back, red-eyed and hungover and warned him that he needs to buck his ideas up. He promises to shape up but next day he’s back on the videogames.

“This would be a better company if I fired him. No one would miss him. There wouldn’t be anyone here to do so.”

But employee Tom Logan said: “If a business isn’t working, look to the top. Tom Logan needs to give Tom Logan a proper kick up the arse but at the end of the day he’s too soft.”