A COUPLE in a new home with an en-suite bathroom never knew how intimate they would become with each others’ excretions.
Tom and Jenny Logan saw the en-suite as a real plus for the home but after just a few weeks are wondering if either of them has any secrets left.
Jenny said: “We’ve been together six years. I thought I knew everything there was to know about Tom. But I’ve been introduced to some sounds that are entirely new.
“Also some powerful odours, and the shower cubicle creaks when put under certain kinds of repetitive strain. Like a big heavy bloke in there with his feet planted apart tugging himself off at 6.30am and waking me up.”
Tom said: “Yeah, I guess I knew Jenny defecated in theory but I’d never been that close to it before. We eat the same meals. So why does it stink like that?
“I can’t look her in the eye any more. Not now I’ve heard those grunts of effort and seen that post-dump flushed face.
“They should put toilets outside at the end of the garden again. I’m writing to my MP.”