Divorced couple renew vows of eternal hatred

A COUPLE are celebrating ten years since their divorce by renewing the vows of undying emnity they made on the day. 

Tom Logan and Hannah Tomlinson have gathered family and friends to once again swear their sacred commitment to loathe each other until they die.

Hannah said: “Whenever I see Tom, the years roll away and I see the toxic, manipulating piece of shit who I was sundered from forever on that magical, blessed day.

“We’re not like other divorced couples. For them, the embers of hatred merely smoulder. Our relationship’s still aflame with grudges. The passion never went away.

“The whole screaming match will be held at the county court, with all our nearest, dearest, and the solicitors who represented us through the lengthy and bitter process. The event will be heavily policed.

“I can’t wait to reaffirm the deep detestation I still feel for Tom every single day, the sentient landfill of shit. There will also be a table set aside for gifts.”

Guest Martin Bishop said: “Thing is, when celebrities renew marriage vows it’s a precursor to splitting up. I hope to f**k Tom and Hannah don’t get back together.”

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