Everyone in restaurant hoping those two are father and daughter

ALL the diners in a restaurant are desperately hoping that couple are father and daughter.

The customers are divided over the cross-generational pair’s status, with many suspecting they may be in a questionable relationship.

Diner Nikki Hollis said: “The entire room is transfixed. I got a good look on the way to the toilet and he appears to be about 30 years older than her.

“He was laughing and touching her hand a lot, which, if he is her dad, is really supportive and lovely. And if not, well, that’s just nasty.”

Eyewitnesses also reported a hard-to-read facial expression from the young woman, who was either gently disagreeing with her dad, or weighing up how weird this old guy would look naked.

Diners were left without an answer as the pair left the restaurant, with what was either a paternal pat on the head, or a horrible sign of how the rest of that relationship is going to go.

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May pledges to hunt down the f*cknut who triggered Article 50

THE prime minister has vowed to find the ‘fucknut’ who triggered Article 50 when it was perfectly obvious we needed more time.

Theresa May said: “There’s always one twat who stands up at the end of the meeting and says ‘Actually boss we don’t need a month, we can have that report on your desk in a week!’

“Then they disappear and suddenly we’re throwing together bullshit against a ticking clock just because some muppet wanted to impress people who don’t even remember. Tool.”

The prime minister added: “It must’ve been someone anonymous, grey, clueless about how things actually work, promoted way beyond their skills. Some eager beaver who’s fucked off rather than deal with the consequences.”

Meanwhile, civil servants have blamed the whole thing on the fucknut who gave them an arbitrary two-year deadline for no reason whatsoever.