ALL of the hopes and ambitions on a 29-year-old man’s bucket list are debauched sexual acts, it has emerged.
Stephen Malley of Colchester has no desire to tick off popular activities like parachuting or swimming with dolphins, instead aiming for a threesome and sex with a Swedish girl.
He said: “You only live once and I’m getting on a bit. If I want to get it on with a MILF while I’m still young enough to savour the contrast, I need to act now.
“When I was a teenager, reading about all the weird shit and crazy positions in Men’s Health, I assumed they’d just happen naturally. Not so, and it’s not like all that’s just made-up to fill magazines, so I’m putting the effort in.
“The bucket list runs to a couple of pages and includes everything from twins to my girlfriend’s best friend. I’m a pervert but come on, it beats shit like looking at the Grand Canyon. It’s a big ditch, get over it.
“I’m happy to incorporate normal bucket list stuff. See the Aurora Borealis while getting deep-throat. Reverse cowgirl at Machu Picchu. Visit the Great Wall of China and have sex on it.”
Girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “Stephen’s bucket list makes for fascinating reading. I’ve looked over it multiple times and not once does it mention ‘make a woman come.’”