A WOMAN is furious that the man who was unkempt and slovenly when they were going out has got his shit together and looks good again.
Lauren Hewitt saw a photo of ex Jack Browne on a mutual friend’s Instagram and was annoyed to see he no longer looked like the sack of shit she recalled from when they broke up.
Hewitt said: “When our relationship ended, he was a mess. He’d basically spent the previous year cosplaying as a slug.
“His personal hygiene was atrocious, he’d given up wearing anything that fastened with buttons or a zip and he only rolled off the sofa to go to the fridge for another Peperami.
“And now I see a picture of him on a beach with a sharp haircut and a nice tan. He’s almost got a six-pack, for f**k’s sake. When we were dating the only six-packs I saw were the ones of Grolsch that he would drink every night while playing Fortnite.”
Browne said: “I’ve had to get myself together since I’m back on the market, but I can’t bloody wait to snare a new girlfriend so I can go completely to seed again.”