SAD to be single this Christmas? Here’s why being alone during the festive season is actually f**king brilliant:
Halving the number of relatives you have to see or FaceTime can’t be bad. With the added pressure this year or either leaving them sad and lonely or potentially killing them at least singletons can pull the ‘yes, I’m all alone for Christmas too’ card before ending the call and grinning in relief.
Full control of the television
If you have a partner, you’ll want to watch Die Hard while they insist that Carols from f**king Kings is more ‘Christmassy’. If you’re blissfully single you never have to put up with someone else’s opinion, which let’s face it is always wrong and bullshit.
Drink what you like when you like
Fancy some festive Baileys on your cornflakes? Go for it. It’s much more enjoyable without some twat who loves you and is concerned for your welfare looking over your shoulder saying things like ‘How many units have you drunk this week’ and ‘It’s a slippery slope.’
Get a takeaway for Christmas dinner
You’re excused the immense faff involved in making Christmas dinner when you’re single. Find out what’s open locally and order something delicious that requires no washing up, like a pizza, sweet-and-sour ribs or a lamb bhuna.
No pretending that you like your presents
When you have a partner who buys you a real ivory chess set because you quite enjoyed The Queen’s Gambit, you have to fake delight that they spent £600 on it. When you’re single you can buy yourself a big Toblerone and be genuinely thrilled about it.