Wednesday, 20th January 2021

Everyone in tier 4 town blaming rival tier 4 town

THE residents of a Berkshire town are blaming the dirty bastards in their rival town for the restrictions placed on them. 

Locals in Bracknell believe their cancelled Christmas is entirely the fault of those superspreading twats in Wokingham six miles away, who have always been irresponsible self-important rule-breakers with poor personal hygiene.

Resident Roy Hobbs said: “Our Christmas ruined and our liberty taken for the foreseeable future because those Wokingham sods won’t wash their hands.

“This is typical of that bloody town. They’re all in and out of each other’s houses, coughing and smearing and singing and hugging. Filthy f**kers.”

But Carolyn Ryan of Wokingham disagreed: “That we’re locked down because the unwashed scum of Bracknell who can’t wear masks is unjust. Frankly, I’m waiting for an apology.”

Epidemologist Dr Helen Archer said: “The restrictions have applied uniformly because there is a pandemic and, since medieval times, townsfolk wander beyond their own walls to work, shop and be educated.

“That said I’m in tier 2, which I can only assume is because we’re better than those infectious dicks north of us in Staffordshire.”