Friday, 14th May 2021

Five spontaneous romantic acts that won't save your relationship

LOVE life on the rocks? Need a quick fix? Try these romantic acts of spontaneity that will not help at all.

Go on a picnic

A lovely outdoor meal on a sunny evening sounds like the perfect way to reignite the spark. And it would be if you didn’t pack an unimpressive meal deal from Tesco and accidentally lay your blanket on a dog shit. If there’s a signal in the park, decide to cut your losses and download Tinder.

Buy a gift ‘just because’

Giving your partner a surprise gift will immediately arouse suspicion. First they’ll wonder what you’ve done wrong, then they’ll come to the conclusion that you’re shagging that co-worker you’re always talking about. Which is ridiculous, because they’re way out of your league and already turned you down at a Christmas party.

Have a weekend getaway

Booking a last-minute holiday will inevitably lead to disappointment. The hotel room will be too small, the towels will be dirty, and it will rain constantly. After a couple of days alone in each other’s company, you’ll realise you have nothing in common and drive home in uncomfortable silence.

Move in together

Asking someone to move in with you during a rare moment of romantic bliss isn’t uncommon, but the ending is always the same. If the ordeal of boxing up your possessions doesn’t ruin the momentum, then arguing over who sorts out the council tax will sound the death knell for your time together.

Get married

The last roll of the dice for the desperate romantic. You’ll get so wrapped up in the flurry of planning that you’ll only realise you made a mistake on your wedding night, and by then it’s too late. You’re stuck with each other until you can be arsed to get divorced.