Five unbearable TV couples

LOVE TV, but hate the smug couples you’re supposed to root for? Here are five awful pairings to inspire you never to find love: 

Ross and Rachel from Friends

Why the world spent a decade hoping these two childish narcissists would end up together is a mystery, unless it was to seal their toxicity safely away from others. By the final series they’d become so void of personality that experts believe shortly after the conclusion of The Last One they collapsed into a black hole.

Jim and Pam from The Office

Two lovestruck colleagues interesting when they weren’t together, with compelling individual storylines, then became drab and annoying once they sealed the deal. The only couples in real life that spend that much time together are locked in co-dependency addiction. Which would have at least made this beige liaison more interesting.

Gavin and Stacey from Gavin & Stacey

The brilliance of Gavin & Stacey is that the titular characters are the most witless and irritating thing about the programme. Between the hammed-up accents, the contrived arguments, and Stacey’s constant squealing, it’s hard to pick just one thing to loathe about this smitten pair of numbskulls.

Richard and Judy from This Morning

The pre-internet Kim and Kanye of UK television, we couldn’t get enough of this insipid rude bloke-mumsy boozer pairing, even demanding they guide our taste in literature. Judy is probably alright on her own, but her very marriage to Richard suggests she shouldn’t be trusted to give guidance even on books that always have a murder in.

Ant and Dec from PJ & Duncan

A will-they-won’t-they to rival Cheers’ Sam and Diane, this TV power couple refuse to go their separate ways while also maintaining that they aren’t together. Come on. No-one insures themselves against the other’s death unless there’s a red-hot romantic undercurrent. The most unbearable thing about these two is the obvious deception.

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Snow falling across North as per bloody usual

SNOW is falling across Scotland and northern England just as it always does right into bloody August. 

Heavy Easter snowfall in Aberdeen, Leeds and Darlington has come as no surprise to their gritty, stoical residents, who regularly dig through blizzards while Londoners sunbathe.

28-year-old Bill McKay of Saddleworth, smiling grimly while Arctic winds whipped ice particles into his face, said: “Call this snow? This is nowt.

“It never stops up here. When we had two week in Bridlington last July the drifts were up to the windows of the static every day. Lovely holiday that. Bracing.

“Apparently down south they don’t even get snow in April, never mind August. Well no wonder they’re so bloody soft, with their City jobs and takeaway lattes.

“No, we’re not mithered by a bit of snow. Bread and butter to us. You Southern lot keep on running the country and leave us to it.”

Julian Cook of Winchester said: “Yes, that’s just as I’d always thought.”