ARE you pining for romance among the socially-distanced? Try these virtual date ideas then be glad you’re alone until 2021:
Watching a movie is the perfect way to spend time with someone without any awkward interaction, which is really brought home when you’re on your own in your flat trying to ostentatiously enjoy Roma in tense silence and occasional throat-clearings.
This is where you realise their kitchen skills include making a cheese toastie and eating said cheese toastie. Meanwhile you’ve got dressed up and slaved away over a red onion and goats’ cheese risotto to eat alone. Pretend the internet connection failed and have a wank.
Like a dinner date only more embarrassing and in public. People in the park will think you’ve totally lost it as you toast a glass of wine to a phone that’s propped against a bag of Kettle Chips, and kids playing football will rightfully use the back of your head as target practice.
Watch a concert
Chucking on the Glastonbury highlights sounds like an easy win on paper, but after a few minutes the sight of thousands of people crammed together partying in a field will reduce you to a sobbing, envious mess wishing you hadn’t done that MDMA.
Double the people means double the misery as you all try to talk over each other and the date collapses into an incomprehensible cacophony. There’s also the risk your date will realise they’re punching below their weight and split off into a virtual threesome with the other couple.