GOOD friendships are built on shared interests, emotional support and clandestine loathing. Here are the reasons even the closest of pals secretly despise one another.
When friends ask each other ‘How’s work going?’, they really want to hear ‘F**king awful, I hate it and I earn nothing’. So imagine the loathing that’s generated when they’re actually told ‘Really well, I just got a raise and my job’s piss easy’. This sort of simmering professional resentment is the bedrock of most adult friendships.
Their house is too nice
Houses are not merely places where you live. As an adult they are a temple to your ego and life status. When you invite good friends over you are really asking them to come and worship at the altar of your own magnificence which also happens to have a fixed APR. Need to establish your dominance? Install bifold doors.
A pair of friends out on a double date is one of the most passive-aggressive sights known to man. On the surface they look like a carefree, fun-loving group of people, but internally they are bitterly jealous and wondering ‘How the f**k did they pull someone so far out of their league?’ The answer is usually: they were very drunk.
Look at their f**king body
Even the most body-positive friends will sneak a look at their pal’s body once in a while and let out a withering sigh of contempt. How are they keeping the bastard thing in shape when they eat shit and barely go to the gym? Maybe they’ve had work done. Tap up your most bitchy mutual friend to confirm this suspicion or start a rumour.
Kids/lack of kids
No matter which camp you fall into, there’s something to hate about either situation. If you’ve got kids then expect friends to envy your settled life and deep human connections. If you haven’t got kids, look out for people resenting your ability to sleep in at the weekends and possess disposable income. It’s a no-win situation.