Girlfriend helps with funny anecdote by correcting inaccuracies

A MAN’S girlfriend kept helpfully interjecting while he was telling a funny story to ensure it was an accurate account of events. 

In the pub with friends, Jack Browne began relating an anecdote about himself and girlfriend Grace Wood-Morris visiting a restaurant during their recent holiday in Greece.

Wood-Morris said: “Jack’s story was about our meal being ruined when a band turned up and serenaded a woman at the next table for her birthday. Luckily I was able to do a live fact-check.

“Jack gave the impression it was a whole mariachi-style band playing deafening instruments. It really wasn’t, it was the restaurant owner with a guitar and a couple of waiters singing. So obviously I had to clear that up.

“Jack was insisting they were absolutely terrible and went on for 20 minutes. It wasn’t anything like that. It was three minutes at most. I remember looking at my watch just then. And they weren’t terrible, they were quite good. I enjoyed the brief diversion.

“Obviously all these corrections broke the flow of the story and Katrina, Pete and Emma all stopped laughing and just looked at Jack suspiciously. But I know Jack wouldn’t want to give a distorted version of the facts.”

Browne said: “She did this with my funny story about my old car. From now on my anecdotes will be ones where this bloody Emily Maitlis cow wasn’t there.”

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Dad not letting a little fire stop family enjoying holiday in Bordeaux

A FATHER is refusing to let a spot of uncontrollable wildfire ruin his family’s holiday in Bordeaux.

Tom Booker had already meticulously planned the two-week family vacation by the river Garonne, and so was not about to let a suffocating inferno send him scurrying back to a caravan park in Dorset.

He said: “We’ve come this far and it’s too late to get the Airbnb refunded. Besides, witnessing a blaze firsthand will be character building for the kids.

“I’ll have a word with the firefighters and ask if we can drive through the flames. They may not understand a sentence like ‘Don’t worry, I’ve supervised loads of family bonfires’ but assuming it’s a man he’ll understand we’re not afraid of a few smouldering trees. 

“I don’t see why my wife’s so worried. People travel to the continent because they want warm temperatures all the time. It’s not my fault Goldilocks there in the passenger seat can’t stand the heat.

“We’re going to the Saint Michel Basilica and the Place de la Bourse and that’s final. The locals have been driven out by the flames but that means it will be quiet. Hopefully they’ve not burned down, but you go to see ruins all the time.”

Booker’s son Oscar said: “This wouldn’t have happened if we’d gone to Disneyland like I wanted. But I need to stop sobbing with fear before I can mention it.”