AN incredibly handsome man has the nerve to count two weeks without sexual intercourse as a ‘dry spell’, it has emerged.
Chiselled-featured jerk Josh Hudson has gone a mere 14 days without getting his end away yet is acting like this counts as a significant period of time to go without sex.
Hudson said: “A whole fortnight. That’s 336 barren, sexless hours. Can you imagine what it must feel like to not shag for that long? I’m worried I’ll forget how to do it.
“I think I must be the first man in history to endure such an epic dry spell. Even ugly people and trainspotters are probably getting balls deep more often than me, which is unfair because I’m easy on the eye.
“I’m all alone in my suffering, too. When I told my friends about my era of abstinence, they said ‘Are you f**king serious, mate?’. They’re shocked and confused because my long-term celibacy defies rational explanation.
“I’ll just have to cross my fingers and pray that a woman will want to shack up with my rugged good looks at some point in the future. But after all this time, I’m starting to lose hope.”
Solid ten Ellie Shaw said: “Jesus, two weeks? If I haven’t seen three guys in an afternoon I start to worry. My heart goes out to him.”