Thursday, 29th October 2020

Horrible little bastard just being 'assertive', say parents

A COUPLE whose daughter terrorises their home with screaming tantrums have congratulated themselves on raising an assertive, confident child.

Oliver and Joanna O’Connor are convinced that daughter Sophie’s habit of lying on the floor shrieking until she gets her own way is proof she has a bright future ahead.

Oliver O’Connor said: “By taking charge of every situation with a combination of tears and violence, Sophie is proving that she is developing strong communication skills.

“And yelling ‘Stop talking daddy!’ and kicking me in the shins while I’m on an important work call might seem like bad behaviour, she’s actually just clearly stating her needs.

“Her nursery teacher is concerned that trying to drown other kids during wet play is a sign of developing psychopathy rather than an indication of her natural leadership skills, but we’ve agreed to disagree on that one.”

Nursery teacher Nikki Hollis said: “We haven’t agreed to disagree. I’m just keeping quiet because I’m scared she might try to drown me next.”