ARE you a gorgeous woman who dreams of nabbing your very own Danny DeVito? Your unconventional tastes call for unconventional tactics:
Don’t be ashamed
There are plenty of reasons why you might be into vertically and follically challenged chaps. Perhaps your father was one. Shout your sexual preference from the rooftops without shame, and incidentally, rooftops are a great place to spot the sun bouncing off a potential mate’s pate. It’s win-win.
Choose your hunting ground
It’s not just golf clubs and Travelodges these days. Sexy slapheads can now be found in all walks of life — banking, journalism, politics, medicine or anywhere else men try to overcompensate. That said if you’re playing the numbers game, roadside burger vans are still your best bet.
Hate on tall, hairy men
Short men are naturally bitter and jealous. So, if strapping guys with luscious locks aren’t for you, win favour with the dimunutive by bullying them. Slip in jibes like ‘How’s the weather up there?’, and ask if they need to put a lot of product in to keep their coiffure buoyant. Your short king will be thrilled and aroused by your allyship.
Boost your man’s confidence
While it’s important to drag other men down, you can also bolster your toy boy’s self-worth by talking non-stop about how hot you find him. Boost his confidence with comments about how he’s got more hair on his back than they’ve got on their heads, and emphasise how much you love being able to throw him around like a rag doll in the bedroom.
Take him on appropriate dates
It’s important to think about what kind of first date setting suits the short. You wouldn’t take a teetotaller to a tequila bar, and nor should you take a stubby fellow to anything involving high shelves or removing hats. Be kind. Wait until vintage car rallies are allowed again, so he can show you off among his own people.