Friday, 14th May 2021

Thanks f**king loads, peaceful protestors tell Bristol

PROTESTORS against new laws that would effectively ban peaceful protest have thanked Bristol for throwing a f**king riot. 

The laws, which the government passed at the first reading last week even after police had assaulted a peaceful vigil, are thought to be 50-60 times more likely to pass now Bristol has burned a police van for basically no reason.

Human rights campaigner Helen Archer said: “Well f**king done. That’s signed and sealed this, hasn’t it?

“Peaceful protests all day then a bunch of dickheads amped up to post ‘ACAB’ on Twitter head down to the police station to smash windows and do graffiti and give themselves a big old anarchist chubby.

“What powerful footage it makes, police standing doing nothing while you chuck fireworks and smash shit. This will really help the side you claim to oppose.

“Filmed it all on your phones though, didn’t you? Just like all the Trump supporters who all got arrested because they’d filmed themselves smashing shit on their phones. And the difference between you and them is..?”

Home secretary Priti Patel said: “What a lovely treat for a Sunday evening. I’ve woken with a real spring in my step.”