A COUPLE having a blazing row should be given the privacy of only being observed discreetly, however entertaining it is. Don’t be tempted to do the following.
Resist the urge to cheer or boo
They probably won’t appreciate every comment or insult being applauded or derided by a smug bystander. Treating a serious problem in their relationship as a pantomime performed for your entertainment will make them stare daggers at you and even threaten violence. Oh yes it will.
Avoid taking sides
There are rights and wrongs to every argument, but don’t hang around so long you’re passionately supporting one side over the other. Particularly if you’re with a partner, who may find it distasteful and weird, thus spreading the argument to you. And let’s face it, you haven’t won one yet, so don’t tempt fate.
Resist the urge to use score cards
It may seem hilarious to scribble scores on a bit of paper and hold them up like a Strictly judge, but a couple about to angrily break up after a five-year relationship may not share your wacky sense of fun. Also don’t film it on your phone for your own version of VAR when you get in.
Absolutely do not offer advice
Strangely, arguing couples do not take kindly to advice from a condescending passerby. ‘You really need to take five’ and ‘People say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment’ are actually good advice, but the idiots won’t listen because it’s somehow ‘not your business’. And admittedly it’s not that relevant to a mega-serious argument, eg. he’s emptied their bank account to pay for prostitutes.
Don’t do impersonations
You might be quite a crowdpleaser down the local pub with your passable takes of Chris Eubank and Russell Brand, but mimicking a couple in the middle of a white-hot furious exchange may temporarily end your career as an impersonator due to severe facial bruising. That’s the last time you kindly take an interest in people’s problems.
