FIRST kisses are awkward, unsatisfying and not very romantic. So it makes sense they take place in these grotty locations:
In a freezing park
Walking hand-in-hand with a date through Central Park on a cold winter’s evening before leaning in for a kiss, the lights of New York twinkling in the background, is undeniably romantic. Sadly you were raised in Barnsley, meaning your first snog took place on a windswept, disused football pitch nearly as awful as the kiss itself.
In a car park
Romcoms don’t usually end with the happy couple finally locking lips in a car park for a reason, and that’s because a backdrop of poorly parked Volvos looks depressing as f**k. But there aren’t many places for frisky teenagers to hang out so they make do with a vista of chipped concrete spattered with bird shit.
At a school disco
Movies lied to you about school discos. They aren’t elaborate events with laser shows and mirror balls and you were an idiot for thinking they would be. Yours took place at a community centre that usually hosts AA meetings, and your first kiss happened in the same spot where some poor divorcee admitted he drinks five whiskeys before 10am.
The back seats of a cinema
This dark, secluded place might feel like the perfect location for a first kiss, but it lulls people into a false sense of security. Remember how you misjudged the situation by blindly leaning in for a snog but ended up tonguing an ear lobe because your date was staring straight ahead watching Twilight: Eclipse? Your date does. It still disturbs them.
Behind a supermarket
The loading bay round the back of a Sainsbury’s is one of the weirdest places for a first kiss, but when you’re a teenager who hasn’t got to first base you can’t afford to be picky. Even now the sound of a haulage lorry pulling up to unload palettes of frozen mince takes you back to that magical moment. Shame the driver watched though, it killed the vibe.