Friday, 14th May 2021

Lost cat poster downplaying its arsehole personality

A POSTER looking for a lost cat glosses over the fact that it behaves like a complete arsehole most of the time.

The sheet of paper taped to a lamp post describes missing cat Max as playful and curious in cloying detail, but fails to mention that he deliberately knocks mugs off tables and likes to claw people.

Owner Tom Booker said: “I had to bend the truth and say he’s sweet and easily startled, which couldn’t be further than the truth. He’s a f**king terror.

“Since Max has been gone it’s like a weight has been lifted. I’m no longer sharing my life with a little twat who brings dead, savaged birds into the house and insists on watching me go to the toilet.

“I actually regret putting up the poster, but I’d look like a right uncaring bastard if I hadn’t.”

Upon hearing that Booker thought he was better off without him, Max promptly returned home and took a shit on his bed.