Friday, 14th May 2021

Couple can't wait for guests to f**k off so they can go inside

A COUPLE who have not seen their friends for months cannot wait for them to leave so they can stop sitting in the f**king garden. 

Nathan and Sandra Muir were initially delighted to see pals Steve and Sarah Malley but after less than two hours were ready to go inside and sit on proper chairs instead.

Nathan said: “It’s not freezing, but it’s not warm either, you know? We had nibbles and chilled beers. But dude, my f**king house. It’s right there.

“It’s just perverse to be out here in the garden with plants and insects and whatever when all the best stuff is inside. Tellies and PlayStations and that.

“I kept finding excuses to pop into the house, like fetching drinks, refilling the pepper mill and just quickly finishing off a book I was reading.

“At one point I asked Steve if he’d be alright if I nipped in for a quick bath, but he gave me such a weird look I pretended I hadn’t.”

Sarah Malley said: “We were counting the f**king minutes. Two hours is a long time to spend in someone else’s garden.”