Man believes cheap flowers will lead to sex

A MAN wrongly believes a manky bunch of supermarket flowers will lead to a thrilling sexual experience.

Office worker Nathan Muir has failed to realise his girlfriend feels the small and slightly grimy Valentine’s Day bouquet is worth a handjob at best.

Muir said: “These flowers cannot fail to lead to a night of mind-blowing sex to cement our relationship. And they only cost £1.15 while I was buying a sandwich for lunch.” 

However girlfriend Helen Archer said: “How much did they cost? About a quid? They may as well have a bright red removable sticker on saying ‘Manual Relief Equivalent’.

“How much effort does it take to get roses? Not as much as effort as me taking part in prolonged and interesting sex, which I won’t be.

“So I can confirm Nathan will be getting something exactly like the flowers – uncaring, dashed off and instantly forgettable. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Muir added: “Shit. Is it worth me nipping to the garage and getting a box of Ferrero Rocher, or will she see through that and it’ll just be me and the laptop?”