Five things to do on your commute as well as having murderous fantasies

COULD the time you spend travelling to work be used for something more productive than sitting in silent, festering rage like a serial killer? Here are some suggestions.

Write a grisly crime novel

Being crammed nose to armpit in a tube carriage makes you want to kill, so channel those disturbed thoughts into a book. If The Northern Line Decapitator becomes a bestseller (with film rights) you’ll never have to go on a train again.

Listen to calming music

Calming music is usually whale noises or New Age pan pipe toss, but commuting is so stressful anything will do. Stick on some Norwegian death metal or drill tracks about gang warfare and emerge relatively chilled at the other end.

Talk to your fellow commuters

Why not strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you? People are always complaining no one chats on the tube, so they’ll be delighted when you tell them you’re not really a psychopath.

Play a shoot-‘em-up video game

Find a violent game for your phone – perhaps endlessly bludgeoning zombies – and imagine they’re the awful colleagues you’re about to spend the rest of your precious day with. This will use up all your animosity and leave you happy and relaxed. In theory.

Look for a new job

Commuting is a good opportunity to find a new job, but make sure it’s one that doesn’t involve travel or other humans, like lighthouse keeper or leading expert on isolated African ant colonies.

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Man relives most terrifying experience of his life after losing phone for 35 seconds

A MAN who could not find his mobile phone for a harrowing less than a minute has described his ordeal for the first time.

Tom Logan’s nightmare began when an innocuous trip to the gym led to his phone going missing, which he described as “the worst thing in my life, or anyone else’s life for that matter”.

Office worker Logan had exercised, showered and was ready to leave when he reached into his left pocket and realised the phone was not there.

He said: “It’s every phone owner’s worst nightmare. My mind was racing. Suppose I never saw it again? To think of my Samsung Galaxy in the hands of strangers turned my stomach.

“That phone is everything to me. Without it, I’m nothing. It’s got all my contacts, my Oyster account. I use it for buying things – what would I do for food?

“I wouldn’t wish temporary phone loss on my worst enemy. I’d have called my wife but I’ve no idea what her number is.”

Luckily, quick-thinking Logan had the presence of mind to check the side-pockets of his sports bag, locating his phone which he had put there for some reason after 35 seconds of hell.

He said: “The relief was indescribable. Now I now appreciate my phone more than ever. It’s the little things. The personal hotspot. The wallet app, which I never even saw the point of before.

“I’ll never let it out of my sight again. That phone is like a phone to me.”