Man believes 'let's not get each other presents' means he doesn’t have to get his girlfriend a present

A MAN whose girlfriend suggested they do not buy each other presents this Christmas to save money has no idea he still has to get her something.

Tom Logan said: “I hope this isn’t like the time she said, ‘I’ll take the bins out again then shall I?’ then later I found out what she actually meant was that I should take the bins out.

“And it probably isn’t like when she says she is ‘fine’ before storming out of the house and slamming the door in a manner that would suggest she is definitely not fine.

“Or like the day she asked me for my ‘honest opinion’ on her new dress and it transpired she meant she only wanted my opinion if it was ‘that dress looks nice.’

“But no, I’m sure she really meant no presents.”

Tom’s girlfriend, Kelly Thompson said: “I have given Tom my heart and that’s the only present he needs.

“I need jewellery and a new laptop.”

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'Holding up a fish' is sexiest thing ever, confirm women

WOMAN have confirmed that they just bloody love a photo of a man holding a fish.

While traits including faithfulness, a good sense of humour and confidence all rated highly, holding up a fish topped them all.

Women’s collective yearning for a man who holds up a big fish he caught at his local lake, or a foreign fish he caught on holiday, has been long suspected.

Woman Helen Archer said: “When I see a man gripping a floppy, half-dead sea creature and mugging at the camera my ovaries just go mental.

“It must be a biological thing.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Men have instinctively known for centuries that holding up a fish is the sexiest thing you can possibly do.

“Thankfully, through dating apps and peer-reviewed studies, we now have proof that it really does attract women and doesn’t make you look like a huge bellend at all.”