A MAN has seen the already limited areas of small talk he can engage his father-in-law in whittled down to just two, it has emerged.
After visiting for the weekend and making some controversial missteps, Nathan Muir has reduced five solid areas of chat down to just ‘the price of petrol’ and ‘cutting the grass’.
Muir said: “We’re here until Sunday night and we’ve already covered those, so now I’m just trying to avoid the grumpy old bastard until he goes out to play bowls with his equally grumpy old mates.
“We normally manage quite well chatting about cars and politics, but I made a few errors when we arrived this morning. Specifically, making a mild joke about Boris Johnson being trounced in the by-elections, and arriving in our new Citroën, which is apparently a ‘box of French shite’.
“These have joined the list of other topics we can no longer speak about which include football, religion, money, the Falklands, immigration, whether you need to call a gas engineer to fix a boiler, golf, The Two Ronnies and gender.”
Father-in-law Roy Hobbs said: “Tom’s actually a pretty knowledgeable and interesting man. I’m just pissed off he’s boning my only daughter.”