Man has audacity to keep looking at phone when wife has put hers down

A WOMAN is annoyed that her partner is ignoring her and staring at his phone when she put hers down 30 seconds ago. 

Charlotte Phelps, aged 35, laid her phone on the table after an hour playing The Sims only to discover that husband Stephen was not ready and waiting for her company but was instead absorbed in his own device.

She said: “It’s a sad indictment of modern relationships in my view. Here I am, living life free of the shackles of technology, and he’s chained to his digital crutch.

“And he’s completely oblivious to me glaring at him. He honestly doesn’t know I’m in the room. I’m not sure when he came in but he’s completely blanked me for however long it was.

“I worry about his addiction, I really do. What’s so fascinating about that phone that it outweighs a real, flesh-and-blood woman who loves him? It can’t be Tiktok because he’s not even on that, even though I share all the best ones with him.

“Sure, I use my phone. I play the odd game, I browse Instagram, I see what everyone’s up to on Facebook and the local community group, I check out auctions near me and Rightmove. But I’m able to put it down so we can watch TV together. If he can’t that’s sad.”

Stephen Phelps said: “Oh, has she finished? F**king finally.”

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How Britain's richest people will be spending their £400 fuel rebate

THE £400 fuel rebate will be helping not just the poor but the super-rich get through winter. Here’s how they plan to spend it: 

Ofgem chief executive Jonathan Brearley

‘I’ve always wanted noise-cancelling headphones, so when my rebate comes in I’m going to invest in a top-of-the-range Bose pair. They’ll filter out the incessant whine of the public who don’t understand how price caps work.’

The Queen

‘As a tribute to my mother, who I lost 20 years ago, I’ll put £100 on Fandango Sunrise to win in the 2.40 at Kempton, £200 on Thunderbolt Hall each way in the 3.50, £80 on an acca at Ascot and £20 on scratchcards. It’s what she would have wanted.’

Akshata Murphy, wife of Rishi Sunak

‘It is nothing to me. It is like Britain, like shit. But Rishi is only a millionaire, so I have booked him a spa session for after his inevitable loss. Then we leave forever.’

Mike Ashley, Sports Direct owner

‘I’m buying a Sports Direct mug so large I can swim in it. At the end of a motivational work event, it’ll be filled with lager and I’ll dive in and drink the entire thing before letting out a massive, tooth-rattling burp. Then I’ll fire 200 staff, chosen at random.’

James Dyson, entrepreneur

‘I find money inspiring, and £400 seems the right price for a premium Dyson product. I’ll create a cyclonic frisbee, which hovers on a cushion of air and flies 600ft, and market it as this year’s must-have Christmas present. It’ll be a tribute to British innovation manufactured in Singapore.’

Jacob Rees-Mogg, member for North East Somerset

‘A new government must focus on what matters to the British people, so it is crucial that I invest in a monocle. Crafted in solid silver with a hand-ground lens, it will endow me with gravitas and bearing. I will leave the £400 as a tip.’

Ed Sheeran, musician

‘I’ll get a new car, I think – perhaps a Honda Civic with a few thousand miles on the clock and a 1.8 engine so it’s got a bit of oomph. And if you’re thinking £400 won’t be enough, you’re right, but remember I’ve got 27 homes and get that rebate for each of them.’

Chris O’Shea, boss of British Gas’s owner Centrica

‘I’m not actually one of Britain’s richest people. £775,000 a year is meagre compared to most of these people. So I’ll buy the world’s smallest violin and play it while I sob myself to sleep.’