Friday, 10th July 2020

Man longing for the tender touch of airport security search

A MAN has admitted that getting frisked at the airport is the most intimate experience he has had since he got pickpocketed last year.

Norman Steele was travelling to Barcelona when he was pulled aside for a routine pat-down by a dead-faced security officer.

Steele explained: “I’d barely had the chance to lift my arms into the required ‘child pretending to be an aeroplane’ position, when I could feel gentle hands sweeping down my chest and legs.

“All of a sudden I felt whole. And less alone. In a way I haven’t since a drunk coworker mistakenly hugged me at an office party in 2015.”

A research psychologist explained: “There are five typical emotional responses to the airport security screening process. Existential completeness is not one of them.”