Man updating Tinder photo to brand new one from five years ago

A MAN who has decided his dating profile picture is out of date is replacing it with one from five years ago rather than 10.

After reluctantly accepting he cannot pass for a 33-year-old anymore, Wayne Hayes now feels he should do the right thing and be less deceitful about his looks.

IT worker Hayes said: “It’s not really lying, because I haven’t changed that much. Just all the new grey hair and beer gut. Little things women barely notice.

“I might run into problems when we meet in real life and they see I’m a haggard version of what they were expecting. However relationships with me involve a lot of disappointment, so in a way it’s an honest foundation for the future.

“If they do moan that I don’t look like my picture, I’ll just say they need to get their eyes seen to. Women love to be taken in hand by a confident, masculine man after all.”

Previous Tinder match Carolyn Ryan said: “I didn’t actually mind about Wayne’s looks, it’s just I didn’t think a pack of bacon-flavoured condoms was an appropriate first date gift.”

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How to survive the dreaded 'hangxiety'

DID you drink so much last night you feel like you’re going to drown in a black swamp of alcohol-induced guilt and shame? Here’s how to get through it.

Promise yourself you’ll never drink again
When you feel as if your blood has been replaced with pure angst, you’ll swear to become a teetotal hermit if you’re allowed to feel better. This promise will last exactly until tomorrow, when a pint will seem like a great idea.

Turn off your phone
After replying to messages from anxious friends asking what happened to you after you climbed on a table in a pub that wasn’t even doing karaoke, turn off your phone so you don’t have to see the grisly photographic evidence they are dying to send you.

Distract yourself
Pop on a film to blot out nagging questions of exactly how much of a dickhead you were last night. Keep it light – things like Requiem for a Dream will probably make you top yourself. Alternatively, go very dark, such as Se7en, and reassure yourself you’re not as bad a person as Kevin Spacey.

Go outside
All you’ll feel like doing is lying in bed marinating in paranoia and anxiety, but it’s best not to wallow. Get out there into the fresh air, and head straight for the nearest pub because ‘hair of the dog’ is all that’s going to shift this fucker.

Or just go back to sleep
If you sleep through the whole sorry experience you can get right back on it again the next day. That’s if your hangxiety hasn’t made you strangely wide awake for your sins.