Friday, 28th February 2020

Me not getting what I want is a f**king emergency, says Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has announced that any situation where he does not get what he wants immediately is a national emergency.

After threatening to declare Congress not agreeing with him a national emergency, Trump now wants the same status for his hamburgers being late, the media ‘disrespecting’ him and soiling himself.

He said: “No wall, that’s an emergency. No Trump Tower in Yellowstone Park, that’s an emergency. When they don’t serve the little sausages I like at breakfast - emergency.

“I tell you, these are gonna be real emergencies. We’re getting the blue lights fitted on every government building. And a siren. I set them off with a button next to my bed.

“When I press the button, and it’s a beautiful button, a gold button, the sirens and the lights go off, the National Guard is mobilised and I'm allowed to do whatever I want. It’s in the Constitution.

“So if there's a Democrat-controlled Congress, an illegal phoney witch-hunt Russia investigation or if I might lose an election, it’s an emergency, okay?”

Trump added randomly: “I was in Home Alone 2. That’s the most successful Home Alone movie. They wanted me to be the star, but the kid was under contract.”