A MAN who rates and reviews every craft ale he has ever tried on a detailed spreadsheet is wondering why he does not have a girlfriend.
Ryan Whittaker, 42, is finding it hard to believe no woman is willing to spend all her weekends driving across the country to attend regional ale festivals with him and hundreds of other boring weirdos.
Whittaker said: “I’m a solid gold catch. There shouldn’t be a lady in the land who is able to resist me. And yet, to a woman, they all do.
“I’ve been on plenty of dates but I just haven’t found a relationship that’s stuck. What’s not to love? From my thick, luscious beard to my several hard drives full of craft beer comparison data, I should be a babe magnet. But it seems all women have commitment issues.
“The day after we’ve driven 150 miles to a CAMRA award-winning pub where I’ve explained the intricacies of my 15-point rating scale for judging hop varieties, every one of them texts me saying ‘Thanks, but I’m not looking for anything serious right now’. I just don’t get it.”
Whittaker’s last date Lucy Parry said: “Apart from being dull as f**k, I’m not sure Ryan realises what drinking that much ale is doing to his flatulence levels.”