A MAN feels the perfect anniversary gift from his wife would be low expectations about his sexual performance later.
Although Tom Booker appreciates the expensive cologne his wife Grace gave him, what would make the evening truly special would be if she was content with unsatisfying sex rapidly followed by sleep.
Booker said: “I had a hot bath with rose petals in and a glass of champagne waiting for her, which I hoped would make her drowsy and we might not even have to leave the house. Unfortunately it just seems to have perked her up.
“Now we’ve gone for a meal that’s costing me the best part of 300 quid. It’s really nice and Grace has eaten loads, so I was hoping she’d be really full and sleepy, which would take some of the sexual pressure off me.
“No such luck. She seems even livelier than before so it looks as if halfway decent sex will be required. Luckily I haven’t wanked for a couple of days, I’ve probably got an extra five or ten minutes in me.
“My only hope now is that the cumulative effect of the wine knocks her out and we’ll be on the sofa watching Hostage soon, then an early night. Isn’t this Rioja nice, darling? Let’s have another really big glass.”
Grace Booker said: “After 20 years of marriage I’m expecting a full reenactment of our honeymoon, including two unbroken hours of near-continual sex, to be continued in the morning. No pressure or anything.”
