Marriage in crisis to be completely fixed by salsa class

A MARRIED couple in crisis are confident that there is nothing wrong that cannot be fixed by salsa dancing lessons. 

Lisa and Tom Logan are on the brink of divorce after accusations of infidelity and financial irresponsibility, but believe two hours’ tuition in Cuban-American dancing will wipe all of that away.

She said: “It’s fun, it’s fitness, it’s bringing a little spice back to our marriage, it was this or Relate.

“Salsa, as everyone knows, completely erases problems like a gambling addiction or an affair with his cousin or just simply not liking each other. That’s the magic of those syncopated steps.

“Do I get a little thrill from being held by a series of strange men? Yes. Does it especially happen when I’m dancing with Diego, our instructor? Very much so, yes. Which is exactly what we need.”

Tom Logan agreed: “And since every other couple here is also in crisis, and we spend sweaty hours grinding against them, there’s no danger of us meeting anyone we like more.”

Instructor Diego Alvarez said: “Ah, so beautiful the dance of salsa. They will be swinging within the year.”

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Teenage boys enter chrysalis stage

ACROSS the UK, teenage boys have finished school for the summer and built the chrysalises in which they will spend the next six weeks. 

Boys primarily aged between 13 and 15 have chewed up their family’s useless printed matter to make wood-pulp cocoons in which they will grow six inches and suffer strange alterations to their brains before emerging on September 1st.

Dad Nathan Muir said: “Jordan’s got the PlayStation in there, and his phone, and a wireless booster. That’s all he needs.

“We post in pizzas every three hours, trying to ignore the creepy hiss of headphones and sinister mutterings about someone on Fortnite’s mom, and leave him to it. It’s not pretty to see, when they change.

“If we want we can monitor his activity via his internet history but we… prefer not to. You can tell by the clicking, the stink of hormones, the groans as his limbs elongate.

“It’s no problem since we decided not to book a holiday anyway, because if we did we’d have to be on it with teenagers.”