Man who claims to 'wear the trousers' in relationship can't wash trousers

A MAN who claims that he is the one ‘wearing the trousers’ in his relationship is unable to wash his trousers without his wife’s help. 

Tom Booker also refers to himself as the ‘head of the household’ despite having no idea where anything in his house is or how to work it.

Wife Sadie said: “We’re a traditional couple and Tom’s firmly in charge. Except when any basic adult task needs to be performed, in which case I step in.

“He can’t wash his trousers, he doesn’t know how to set up a direct debit and when I went away on a hen do I got back and he was genuinely feral. He’d ripped open food packets like a bear. It smelled like someone had died.

“Sometimes you can trust him brushing the cat, just about. Nothing more. Not after he tried to clean the bathroom with a power washer.”

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Tosser won't f**king shut up about meeting Keith Allen

A MAN will not stop name-dropping the only celebrity he has ever met, actor and former ‘hellraiser’ Keith Allen.

Marketing executive Julian Cook met Comic Strip actor Allen at some strange promotional event – possibly for headphones – in 2012, something his friends will never be allowed to forget.

Friend Emma Bradford said: “Every time we go to the pub it’s like the clock is ticking down until Julian reminds us he met Keith Allen. No offence to Keith, but it’s not like meeting Gandhi.

“Apparently he’s a really good bloke, but to be honest I’d never assumed he was a monster or something. The fact is I just don’t spend that much time thinking about Keith Allen.

“I think they only had a quick chat but the way Julian goes on you’d think it was some incredible life-changing experience. I suppose in a way it was because Julian has been extremely boring ever since.”

Cook said: “I’m not always name-dropping Keith Allen. I only mention him if something relevant comes up, like if there’s a TV in the room because Keith has been on TV. A lot, actually.

“Have you ever met Keith, by the way? He’s a really good bloke, and I know that because I met him.”