Friday, 29th May 2020

Married couple still not bored enough to have sex

A MARRIED couple in lockdown with absolutely nothing to do are still not bored enough to have sex with each other. 

Child-free couple of thirteen years Tom and Clare Logan have both briefly considered intercourse as a way to combat the tedium of social distancing, and independently come to the same negative conclusion.

Clare Logan said: “Of course we want to. We just both lead such busy lives, what with our packed schedule of baking, arts and crafts and Animal Crossing.

“Plus. there’s our once-daily walk around the block and we’re swamped looking after our newborn sourdough starter. As soon as things are less hectic, I’m sure we’ll make time for each other.

“We nearly did it yesterday, but then Tom briefly spluttered after taking a sip of water. Maybe it went down the wrong way, but just to be on the safe side, we decided he should self-isolate and sleep in the spare room for a couple of weeks. At least.”

Tom Logan said: “I’m sure if the lockdown goes on much longer, we’ll be forced by circumstance to rediscover the intimacy and excitement of our early relationship.

“God, I hope they find a vaccine soon.”