THE proud grandparents of a newborn baby cannot wait to get started undermining all his parents’ hard work in every way possible.
Joseph and Anne Turner have been longing for a grandchild ever since they realised it would mean all the good parts of kids with none of the crushing responsibility.
Anne said: “My son and his wife have clearly thought long and hard about how to raise a stable, well-adjusted child through gentle discipline and clear boundaries, and we’re really looking forward to fucking all that up.
“We’ll begin by waking the baby up whenever we fancy, and then it’ll be ice-cream for dinner, pints of Coke, bedtime as late as they like. They’ll go home knackered and screaming but that’s not our problem.
“Christmas presents? Massive, ill-conceived and requiring a day of construction. Positive reinforcement? Ignored. They get a big cuddle from Granny as a reward for being bad.
“All the strict rules my son remembers from his childhood? Out the window. They’ll beg to come here while treating their parents like vicious dictators for asking them to brush their teeth.
“Honestly, it’ll almost make having bloody kids in the first place worth it.”