THE only thing couples need to have in common is the desire to have sex with one another, it has been confirmed.
Partners across the land are in agreement that a similar taste in films, music and hobbies is irrelevant so long as both parties are still willing to rut each other’s brains out whenever the opportunity presents itself.
Boyfriend Tom Booker said: “Having similar values and ambitions is just a polite facade. Successful relationships are built on a solid foundation of wanting to bone 24/7.
“Take me and my missus. She’s a progressive outdoorsy type who loves camping, whereas I’d much prefer to stay at home all day with GB News on at max volume. But thanks to sex we’ve been happily married for 20 years.
“Shagging’s the main thing we like to do together, and it’s pretty much all we talk about. I dread to think what our relationship would be like without it. Awkward, tense, and completely pointless, I imagine.”
Girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “Don’t worry about their job or having compatible personalities. These are petty distractions from the raw, carnal lust which happy couples prioritise above all else.
“An underlying fear of being alone forever is useful too, but f**king is where it’s at. Ideally three times a day or you might have time to realise you’re completely mismatched.”