CONSTANTLY clashing with your partner? Convince yourself that your differences are totally healthy with these lies:
Just because one party is an adrenaline junkie who lives for adventure and the other a hermit who collects thimbles it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a romantic relationship. That’s unless you actually plan on doing anything together, in which case you’ll quickly realise that the only thing opposites attract is heartbreak.
We balance each other out
This is a nice way of saying ‘We inhibit each other’s true selves’. By cancelling out the extremes of their personalities, mismatched couples quickly become a bland pairing of simmering resentment. Your relationship will last until the novelty of shagging each other wears off and one party upsets the balance by suggesting a threesome.
Variety is the spice of life
Another euphemism. This one means ‘This person is nothing like me but we’ve got a mortgage now and it would be too much hassle to separate’. Couples drop this phrase into polite conversation to mask the obvious cracks in their relationship, usually after their other half has done something embarrassing in public.
Compromise is normal
Good relationships are built on healthy give and take, but mismatched couples convince themselves that tense, drawn-out negotiations on where to go for a pint are entirely normal. Despite finding your day-to-day existence deeply tedious, you’ll both compromise your happiness and stay together for several decades.
Eventually we’ll agree
Clinging on to the vain hope that one day you’ll be on the same page is what keeps all mismatched relationships going. This is despite knowing that you disagree on everything from how to fold t-shirts to whether or not to get married. If it wasn’t so tragic, your commitment to self-delusion would be impressive.