AN unfortunate-faced man is convinced that he will nab himself a gorgeous, accomplished babe because he is none of those things.
Dreamer Stephen Malley, aged 26, who boasts a bald patch, a severe overbite and an impressive paunch, believes wholeheartedly that people who have nothing in common will naturally end up together.
He explained: “I’m no catch, so I imagine I’ll end up with a woman much like Angelina Jolie.
“Yes, I look 10 to 15 years older than my age, I’m short and hardly a charmer. Which makes it all the more likely that a gorgeous supermodel or sexy actress will walk into my local branch of Wetherspoons and fall for me.
“The laws of attraction are scientific and irrefutable. Beautiful women get bored of beauty, because they see it in the mirror all the time. I’m different. That’s irresistable.
“In fact the more faults I’ve got, the better the girlfriend I’ll pull. My skin’s bad? Hers will be flawless. I’m developing a gambling problem? She’ll be financially secure. I’m facing a ban for driving without tax or insurance? She’ll be whatever the opposite of that is.”
Friend Wayne Hayes said: “Right. So all these attractive, stable women who want nothing to do with Ste just aren’t quite opposite enough.”