Thursday, 29th October 2020

Overconfident man not taking being dumped personally

A MAN blessed with excessive self-confidence has no idea that he has been dumped because of his awful personality.

Ryan Whittaker remained in good spirits while being chucked because his self-assuredness has blinded him to the possibility that he is an intolerable dickhead.

Ex-girlfriend Lucy Parry said: “I’ve never met a man who actually believed ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ before.

“I expected Ryan to at least frown when I told him I thought we should see other people. Instead he leant back in his chair, let out a hearty laugh and said it sounded like a ‘sick idea’.

“He was still unflustered when I talked about the reasons for our breakup, all of which centred around his deep character flaws. In fact he was checking out his reflection in the window.

“I even wrote down his worst qualities in bullet points and asked him to read them back to me, which he did in a weirdly proud way like he was reciting the names of expensive drinks he could easily afford on a wine menu.”

Whittaker said: “Lucy’s a great chick but due to, I dunno, Covid and our different values we mutually decided to call it a day. It’s fate I guess?”