Friday, 3rd July 2020

Scrupulous married couple imposing own sex ban

A MARRIED couple have been carefully avoiding sexual intercourse for months despite not being told to do so.

Stephen and Emma Malley have heartily endorsed the ban and are pleased to have been way ahead of the curve when it comes to not having sex.

Emma Malley said: “We’re about eight months into our sex ban, which we weirdly had the foresight to start before coronavirus even happened. No one has actually said people in the same household can’t have sex, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

“Obviously it’s been a real strain for us. We’d definitely want to have sex three times a day every day if it wasn’t for this damned ban.

“But you can’t be too careful with these things, so we’ve reluctantly decided to flop on the sofa and watch TV every evening instead of making the crazy, passionate love that comes naturally to us.”

Stephen Malley said: “It’s basically like being furloughed from sex, and it’s genuinely as much of a relief as not having to go to work.”