FIRST dates are tricky, unless your date makes it unambiguously clear that a second date would be a mistake by doing one of these:
She puked in her handbag
Having a couple of drinks to calm nerves is normal. Arriving shitfaced is worrying, and carrying on drinking to the point where you discreetly vomit in your handbag is an absolute deal-breaker. If you had to pour them into a cab and give the driver an extra £50 for his upholstery, they’re not The One.
He only looked up from his phone once
And that was when the barman dropped a glass and everyone cheered. Yes, phones contain the internet which contains the entire world, but you’ll be spending the rest of your relationship looking at screens rather than each other, so put it down for one night.
She talked about politics
Obviously you’ll have to talk politics at some point, otherwise you’ll be in too deep to end the relationship when the next election comes and she votes Lib Dem. However, anyone talking very intensely about Britain First’s values-focused politics before the starter arrives is practically screaming ‘f**k off now’.
He wouldn’t f**king shut up about his ex
Whether talking them up or slagging them off, if he can’t shut up about his ex then he’s not over his bloody ex, is he? Ditch immediately or you’ll have to put up with him still banging on about what a bitch Jenny was when you’re 75.
She suggests going for a fortnight’s holiday in Portugal
Some people come on a bit strong on a first date, and some go wild-eyed at commitment like a tiger chasing fleeing prey. Never go further than Bognor Regis with someone you’ve only met once because, though they won’t be a murderer, they will be repulsively needy.