OFFICIALLY you were dumped because you’re a selfish knobhead. Comfort yourself with six more palatable and delusional reasons your ex had to let you go:
She jumped before she was pushed
Your girlfriend undoubtedly caught wind that you were about to dump her and seized the initiative by dumping you first, out of respect. She must have picked up on a subconscious vibe, like the fact your relationship had been coasting along for years and you’d let the spark die.
She wasn’t ready for a long-term commitment
Neither were you but that’s besides the point. Your immature and emotionally unintelligent ex couldn’t stand the thought of being shackled to you for the rest of her days, even though she’d single-handedly been pushing the relationship forwards before giving up. Hopefully the next one will be in it for the long haul.
You were too much for her, sexually
Being a skilled lover has its drawbacks. Your ex was obviously intimidated by your sexual prowess as you’d make her come at least a few times, you think. ‘How many people has he practised with to get that good?’ she likely thought. A gentleman never tells, but does your hand count? Because your number of conquests could do with all the help it can get.
Her friends were jealous
You can tell by the way they called you a waste of space that your ex-girlfriend’s mates wanted you for themselves. Why else would they try to besmirch your good name, if not to lure you into their own clutches? After all, the sisterhood never looks out for one another with a fiercely protective sense of loyalty, especially when it comes to useless men.
She put your career first
She was an anchor, mate. You were climbing the ladder of your dead-end office job, meanwhile she was dragging you down with her own business that raked in a fair bit, granted, but was heading to overextension and collapse. If anything she’s set you free, so try not to hold a grudge. Now you can put all your energy into entering data into a spreadsheet like a robot.
You wanted different things
She hoped to get married one day and have a family. Your aspirations include sitting around all day in your pants and unlocking every achievement in Diablo IV. It was never going to work. Better to call things off after the best part of a decade so you don’t waste each other’s time. Good luck to her finding someone better. She’ll come crawling back.
