DICKHEADS think everyone wants to sleep with them. Think twice before acknowledging their existence with these highly flirtatious actions:
Asking them questions
It’s universally acknowledged that any question, even one as simple as ‘y’alright?’, means you’re desperate to know the inner workings of a person’s beautiful soul. And you had better believe they will gift you with a long – some might say unasked-for – answer.
‘Good work today, Steve’ isn’t professional. ‘Thanks for that, Gary’ isn’t polite. They’re blatant declarations that you’re enamoured with someone and want to settle down with them someday. What other reasons could you possibly have for saying these things?
Surely you can’t be smiling just because you’re happy? No, twats will convince themselves that it’s their mere presence which has turned your frown upside down. Too bad they never think they’re the reason you’re rolling your eyes and furiously flipping them off.
People are more adept than you might think at picking up on body language. Arseholes, however, are pros at reading all the signs wrongly. Look at them in the eyes while talking to them, or even just briefly catch their gaze on the tube, and they’ll be convinced you want to get into their pants.
Ignoring them completely
It’s naive to think that avoiding all of these behaviours will take gobshites down a peg or two. As all smarmy f**kers know, ignoring someone entirely is the most obvious way to communicate that you hear wedding bells whenever you see them.