RESTAURANTS can turn normal people into raging bellends. If you’re guilty of these, expect to find a nasty surprise in your meal:
Ordering for everyone
There’s a certain type of douchebag who will use a group dinner as an opportunity to needlessly assert their dominance. When it’s time to order, this prick will speak on everyone’s behalf because they ‘know what’s good here’, regardless of people’s tastes, diets, or potential allergies. A special circle in hell should be reserved for these twats.
The greatest hallmark of an entitled prick. Snapping your fingers at the waiting staff is a sure-fire way to make everyone else in the restaurant hate you. If you accompany it with a sharp ‘Garçon’ then know that you have almost certainly consumed several gallons of waiters’ piss and spit over the course of your life.
Extravagant bill mime
Waiters know when you are trying to get their attention for the bill. It will be obvious; you will have completely, or nearly, finished your meal. A small ‘holding a pen’ mime is just about acceptable, however if you’re flailing about like Marcel Marceau brandishing a two foot long quill, you’ll look like the idiot you are.
People who make a show of ‘testing’ the wine are among the world’s most obnoxious bellends. Elaborately swirling it around the glass then sticking your nose in and huffing deeply will make everyone around you roll their eyes. If you do that weird gargle thing while tasting it, be prepared to be thrown out the back near the bins.
‘Compliments to the chef’
Being a chef is a notoriously difficult and demanding profession. If a chef is running a halfway decent restaurant, they know they’re good at their job. What they don’t need is you, a self-important marketing consultant, showing off to your date by insisting the waiter rushes into the kitchen to deliver unsolicited feedback.