IN A locked down world, we’re all making promises we won’t keep. For example, here are five people you’ve sworn you’ll meet the minute it’s allowed and absolutely won’t:
The Facebook acquaintance
Sure, you appreciated their recommendations on local plumbers, and kind of meant it when you said ‘The little ones would love a playdate!’ But when it comes to meeting people in real life you know full well you’ll meet the people you know in real life. We’ve all had enough of internet randos by now.
The neighbour
It’s crucial to have a friendly neighbour in case there’s a crisis. Those socially-distanced conversations over the fence have been a lifesaver, and last April you were even doing shopping for each other. Invite her in for a coffee? A gossip like that, who’ll tell the whole street how dirty your kitchen is? Let’s stick to emergency-only socialisation, thanks.
The international friend
You really got on with this guy at uni. He was always up for a laugh, and good for getting the first round in. Taking a cold hard look at the numbers, however, it would seem that a few pints here and there don’t quite add up to the airfare required to reach Sydney.
The lonesome ex
It was clear they were single and lonely and suffering, so you took pity on them and enjoyed being in a better place than them and threw them a few FaceTime bones. But now they’re talking about meeting up and being friends and all that? Do they not remember you lie to them all the time, from the relationship?
The extended family
‘It would mean the world to have us all in one room again!’ Yeah, would it though? Half the cousins have fallen out with your sister and the others are the boring ones? The group Zoom was excruciating enough. Best to keep things on a Christmas-card-only basis.
The immediate family
It’s expensive, it’s tiring, you all go back to old resentments in seconds. You never went anywhere together before all this. Why start now?
