JIM Davidson has split amicably with his fiancee, which is sad but a fantastic romantic opportunity for single ladies. Here’s how you should go about wooing this eligible bachelor.
Be quite racist
Jim is frequently accused of racism, for some reason. Let’s just say that if you find the idea of a weed-smoking black man being called ‘Chalkie’ side-splittingly hilarious, then it could be that Jim is ‘the one’. Fingers crossed!
Make sure you love panto
Panto is a big part of Jim’s life, so it’s essential you’re compatible on this level. He’s done mainstream panto but is better known for his own braindead ‘adult’ ones, which began with Sinderella and later included Boobs in the Wood and Big Dick Whittington. So it will help on a date if you love theatre because he’s not just a comedian, he’s a playwright too.
Be much younger than him
Jim’s wives got progressively younger over the decades, and his ex-fiancee is 23 years his junior. Don’t let this put you off though – he’s 72, so you can be in your late 40s and still meet his age requirements. Great news!
Familiarise yourself with his work
This is a no small task, as his back catalogue includes endless stand-up DVDs with titles like Red, White and Very Blue, seven series of The Generation Game, the aforementioned pantos, five books and two shit sitcoms. However it will make a fantastic impression on Jim if you’ve seen or read all of these. And managed not to kill yourself.
Laugh at his jokes
Men love it when you laugh at their jokes on a date, so you might sometimes feign amusement to be nice. That won’t be a problem with Jim, whose jokes are all belters like ‘What do you give a constipated canary? Chirrup of figs’. The challenge won’t be pretending to laugh, it’ll be to stop yourself literally laughing to death!
Support Reform
Jim’s a super-keen Brexiter and Reform supporter, so it will help if you are too. If things go well he’s bound to invite you to the Reform conference to hang out with his mates Nigel Farage and Lee Anderson. The benefits of going out with Jim just keep on coming!
Practise catching keys
An odd thing to suggest before pursuing a relationship, but in 1987 Jim had the misfortune to throw a bunch of keys at his wife and accidentally give her a black eye. Obviously that was a long time ago, but practise safely catching a bunch of keys anyway, ideally massive iron ones, because the ones Jim threw must have been quite heavy.
